CRICKETS AND KETTLE DRUMS

The bpisports.com column WHERE THE GLASS IS ALWAYS HALF-EMPTY

#6 - TAKING THE PISS #1

BY TREVOR W. RILEY

JUNE 10, 2010

On June 10, 2004, a friend and I scored free lower bowl tickets to game 3 of the NBA Finals between the Detroit Pistons and Los Angeles Lakers because no one at his office wanted to go to the game. He told me that everyone was holding out for a potential close-out game 5, which is an incredibly ridiculous reason to skip out on ANY "final" of a sporting event. Nonetheless, we saw our Pistons embarrass the Lakers, beating them by 20 points (88-68), but little did I know that six years later, I would be taking the piss. No I'm not "relieving" myself, rather, I'm taking a huge bite of humble pie, with a side plate of crow, wiping the egg off of my face as I prepare to face the music. Then why not use any of the aforementioned sayings to title my "accountability" column, you ask? Because British lingo is just more fun to use.

Taking the piss is a term used to ridicule or mock someone and you can read more about it here. I personally borrowed it from Chef Gordon Ramsay as I've heard him use the saying multiple times on his TV show Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. The usage that most closely resembles this column unfolds like this. In the episode where Chef Ramsay visits a restaurant named La Lanterna, he encounters Chef Alex Scott whose cooking and chef skills are subpar. After perusing the dirty kitchen, Chef Ramsay steps outside and sees that Chef Alex Scott has an A1CHEF (top class chef) license plate on his car and promptly says "That is taking the *bleep*ing piss" (This clip can be viewed on Youtube, however I won't provide a link because I couldn't find a censored version. Of the two, "part 1" clips that I viewed, the above action takes place at approximately 9:15). So when I picked the Philadelphia Flyers to win the 2010 Stanley Cup Finals (SCF) in six games because of a supposed curse, arguably irrelevant historical trends, and other bizarre circumstances, one can make a solid argument that I really took the piss in this instance.

Unfortunately for me, the two things I mentioned and wrote off in the "Hossa Hat Trick" column (2-3-4 win progression, 3rd time being the charm) came to pass as Patrick Kane scored the game-winning goal in overtime of game 6 with the amazing, disappearing puck trick...where did that thing end up anyway?

I will make the argument, however, that the Chicago Blackhawks almost won the series in spite of Marian Hossa. At the conclusion of the SCF, Hossa had 1 goal (I predicted 2) on 22 shots, 3 assists, 4 penalty minutes, and a plus/minus number of -1. He was a scoreless, -4 in the last three games of the series...so...draw your own conclusions.

Alas, its time for me to fall on my sword. I was wrong. It is the first time in CNKD history, and it most certainly won't be the last. Congratulations to Marian Hossa and the Chicago Blackhawks for getting their monkeys off of their backs, all while I tiredly lamented their Cup victory and consequent ceremony on the treadmill at my local gym. I should have known better than to bet against a guy who has the same amount of letters in his first and last names as I do, but for doing so, Marian Hossa made me look like...well...spell his last name backwards, but switch the last two letters, and perhaps add a couple if you like...he made me look like that.

CNKD critics and haters rejoice, but in your moment of satisfaction, I hope you take time to appreciate my accountability and the fact that I will ALWAYS own up to my predictions. I aim to be the most accountable sports writer/columnist/personality/nobody/fan/etc. out there because I understand how frustrating it is when our favorite TV/online personalities and newspaper writers, arrogantly and conveniently disregard their prognostications. No cricket responses to emails here, for I will always stand and deliver.

Well that's a wrap for column 5, episode 6 of CNKD. If you have any comments, questions, suggestions, or other feedback, feel free to send them along via email to cnkd2010@aol.com. There's 6 down and 999,994 to go. Peace.